The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid-term:
The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had a fascination with shaving. Is that weird?
Anyway. Around the age of 6 or 7, I remember always being in the washroom when my dad shaved, just watching… amazed that there were things you wanted to shave off your face. One day, I was in the washroom, brushing my teeth, washing my face… whatever little girls do in the washroom in the morning and I saw my dad’s razor sitting on the counter. I picked it up and looked at all the sharp blades.
I pressed it up against my face and pretended to shave my imaginary beard. Up and down my cheek I glided the razor but it just didn’t seem enough. I wanted to actually shave something off. Where on my face was there something that I could shave off..?
Eyebrows! Bit by bit, I took off a little of my right eyebrow… just from the outside, not too much. But then I guess I got carried away and before I knew it, half of it was gone. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t that noticeable, washed my face and went to the kitchen for breakfast.
At first, everything seemed fine, then my mom said, “something’s different about your face..” (in Cantonese, of course) and then she went O_O freaked out and had a closer look.
Now, when we talk about it, she’s amazed that I didn’t manage to cut myself, and I’m amazed that it grew back. So maybe there is something behind Megan’s cancer-patient-eyebrows theory.